Seattle, WA

Special Assignment to this About Seattle Blog
By Dennis O’Brien

Seattle - Some say they have seen BigFoot, others swear that Nellie exists in Loch Ness. I am not searching for the answers to those myths, no my mission was to find the ever elusive Whatchamacallit. I embarked on this hunt packing all the necessary equipment to find this magnificent beast in its natural environment. Yep you guessed it, I had to think like a stoned hippie. So I rented a Hybrid car, strapped on my hemp jeans, lathered myself in patchouli oil, grabbed my hacky sack, and headed downtown.

After getting sidetracked for 5 hours by something called the Chronic I began my search. I tried to blend in so as to not alert the beatniks, non-conformists and the worst hippie of all… the dreaded college know it all hippie. I checked a few stores and came up dry, WHY SEATTLE WHY?!? I could have checked the internet but no I wanted to find this on my own, Damn you Google… Damn you straight to hell!!!

Ok first off I needed to calm down a little and think about it logically. Where would I expect to find this wonderfully tasty peanut buttery bar of pure joy? I had to start thinking like someone who loves munchies. Someone that would know the Whatchamacallit Timeline:

1978 WHATCHAMACALLIT candy bar is introduced.
1987 WHATCHAMACALLIT bar was reformulated and caramel was added.
2002 King Size introduced.
2002 New brand graphics.

Then I saw it, it was what appeared to be local country store where a killer game of the Hacky Sack was brewing out front. Yes this looked promising. I casually strolled into the store and looked around for my increasingly elusive bounty. I found the candy aisle and suddenly was frozen in my tracks, there is was! A box with the Whatchamacallit logo on it but the closer i got I began to realize it was empty dammit…empty. I picked up the box hoping that there was another one was behind it, there wasn’t. I felt like a vanquished foe. I had failed in my mission. As I walked up to the counter with the empty box I asked the cashier if they had anymore in the stock room, he replied that alas no but that he had actually just sold the last one to the guy that was walking out of the store.

I perked up and knew that the chase was now on, he was a large man and was walking slowly but he had a good head start so I figured that I would barely catch him. As it turned out he was walking much slower than I anticipated and I caught up to him right outside the front door.

I called out to him “Is that a Whatchamacallit?????”

“Why yes it” he replied through a wide grin

“Can I see it” I said sheepishly

“No its mine and its the last one and that makes it twice as sweet”

“You don’t understand, I’ve been looking for one of those for the better part of an afternoon” I pleaded

I can still hear his reply echoing in my head

“I guess it sucks to be you then”

After beating him savagely and ripping the bar from his cold dead chubby hands, I wiped the blood from the wrapper and ate the candy bar of my dreams.

In Conclusion: It was pretty good