Seattle, WA

1. Seattle doesn’t smell like nasty body odor covered up with god awful amounts of patchouli oil.

2. In Seattle you can actually get a apartment without having to rent out your closet to a transgender little person to be able afford it.

3. Seattle has four seasons, these big things called mountains, and great weather in the summer…..and of course no never ending fog.

4. San Francisco is as smug as a city can possibly be (that even includes Paris), where everyone looks down on you if you aren’t driving an electric car while recycling your own air with a portable fir tree.

5. Bill Gates gives his billions away and in the process saves the lives of many many children. Steve Jobs spends his money on ostentatious palatial estates that even he doesn’t want to live in because they are as functional and aesthetically pleasing as the Apple Hockey Puck Mouse.

6. You can swim in Emerald Bay without getting caught in an undertow and finding yourself on Angel Island waving to Frank Morris on Alcatraz for a rescue.

7. Our bridges don’t fall down in earthquakes because we don’t have them, we use ferries (not those fairies) to retain our natural beauty.

8. Seattle pays for its love like all other cities, there should be no free rides hippies.

9. Seattle is 800 miles further away from the Oakland Raider fans.

10. The women of Seattle shave their legs, underarms and ummm… other things as opposed to the yeti beasts you see trolling around foraging for nuts and grains in SF.

Happiness is San Francisco in your rear view mirror

Hippies, Earthquakes, Yeti, San Francisco, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Seattle